Heartfelt thanks - Written June 11, 2014

Before we make our move I MUST say something first.  It’s been on my mind for quite some time and I’m afraid that once we leave and I am wrapped up in getting ready for Arthur and all the play time I can handle, I won’t take the time to do this and it does feel important so…here goes. 

Fort Wayne friends, family members and other loved ones far away, THANK YOU!!! For what?  Well, for being there, for being visibly, beautifully YOU.   See, I know that social media gets a good deal of bashing, I’ve admittedly done my fair, but the last six months of my life have taught me a new level of appreciation for my facebook account.  It’s true.  The six months here have been…lonely, quiet, dull.  There have certainly been the bright moments that have helped to keep my sanity running and there have also been days spent in some kind of delirium from the pregnancy illnesses, all jumbled up into days that each seemed to be a repeat of each other so it hasn’t all been terrible.  Toss in the best husband I could possibly ask for and my witty, funny, smart son and it’s really not a bad situation at all.  Just not what I’m used to.  Not at all. 

Without the actual physical presence of the people I love being close to I have been able to get my social fix in other ways.  Megs and I use every possible method available to communicate with each other in the place of being able to be with each other.  The back and forth between us is pretty constant and I expect it to be that way for pretty much forever.  I miss the kids, I miss fried chicken and chocolate chip cookies and laughing so hard I can’t breathe or just being lumps on a couch together while watching absolute crap on television.  I just miss her.  The happiness high I get from a phone call with Megan gives my soul that recharge it needs in a big, big way.  I know how fortunate I am to have her as my best friend. 

For Andrew's and my one year anniversary, our amazing circle of friends did a face time call with us.  What a treat!!! It was nearly enough to make me cry (who am I kidding?  OF COURSE I cried once we were off the phone with everyone! That's just what I do with too much emotion: cry.)  to see so many beloved faces, hear voices and laughter that had been missing for nearly a year, and to be reminded that love can reach us anywhere if we are there to receive it.  Face time has also given us time with other dear friends and sometimes, during those video calls, we even get to follow them around the house while they make silly faces at us (Yes, that's you Lisa and Mike :) ).  It's almost as good as being there...almost. 

Along with phone calls, I also really love the letters, cards and packages we get in the mail.  When I open our mail box and find handwritten notes with little tokens of love inside them, it’s like a long distance hug.  Cheesey? Sure is.  But it’s accurate.  It takes a lot of love to send something out in the mail to another person.  In our current time of quick and easy contacts there isn’t always the same level of thought and consideration that goes into our communication style.  The time it takes to pick out a card, the little doodles added to the envelope, the unique hand writing that belongs to each person.  There is something special and magical about that, like sharing a little piece of yourself that you have sent out in the world that you can’t get back…and that’s totally ok.  I have a beautiful little collection of letters and cards from various people and they are lovingly being tucked away into my memory box.

The daily fix for me comes through Facebook.  I know so many amazing people and I simply love seeing what they are up to.  Pictures and opinions (whether I agree with them or not) and conversations and little glimpses into lives filled with people and places I love, it’s a healing balm. 

When I mix all that communication goodness together, along with a rather staggering consumption of videos, this past six months was MUCH better than it could have been.  Fort Wayne friends, family members, loved ones…keep being social through media!  Or cards and letters and the occasional phone call, heck, if it can happen, come visit!   To all the people that have shared my life, you are LOVED and APPRECIATED!  Thank you. 

June 20, 2014 - We are now in Bend and it's been everything I could hope for.  I'll get a post up on that soon too but for now, I need to get the boys around so we can have time to get ready to head down to the river today.  Haven't quite decided on floating the river or walking along it with the pups...should be pretty great either way :) 

I just can't do it...

I can’t do it.  I just can’t.  My intention has been to sit down and catch up on the family activities of the last couple weekends but my mind isn’t able to sit still in the past when it is actively dancing all over what is happening right now and what will be taking place shortly.  Weekends past, I’m sorry, we will catch up again soon because we must, but for now I need to get this all out of my system so I can move on.  Here goes.

Most everyone by now knows we are heading to Bend, OR and we have given our reasons why and all that jazz.  About two weeks or so ago, we were handed a catalyst that made us reevaluate our leave date.  We were scheduled on June 28,  the day after Aydan left for Fort Wayne but has now been brought up on the calendar to…THIS WEEKEND!!!  There were several reasons that pushed us to make this change but the details don’t really matter.  The decision is made and I, for one, am ready.  SO. READY.

Our stay here has been challenging for me.  While Andrew and Aydan have been able to leave each day and head off to work and school, I have stayed in our little apartment with the dogs and the internet to keep me company.  This is not a way of life I have a lot of familiarity with.  I should perhaps be thankful that for a good portion of that time I was so sick and weak I didn’t want to do anything anyway.   WTF, life?  But I’ve whined about this before and I don’t feel like getting further into it here and now…like I said, living in the present, getting ready for the future.

As things stand now, we leave Saturday morning, June 14.  We had planned on having movers to help us out but now that Aydan will be home, we are going to use his young, strong muscles to help us get everything packed into the moving truck.  Our furniture that we will be taking along with us will be minimal. Mostly things for in Aydan’s room but on our way to Bend we are making a stop at IKEA for new beds and frames for all of us!!! EEEEK!!!  That IS squeal worthy news.  I won’t even share the progression of our sleeping situation since we have moved in here but it hasn’t been exactly comfortable and a bed…oh, a REAL bed.  These things we take for granted but that are really just absolutely delicious luxuries.  I tell myself to be grateful I don’t live in Elizabethan England when people used logs for pillows and were lucky to have straw mats to separate the cold of the floor from their bodies…sometimes that works.  Just five  more days…

Nora has been a whirlwind of activity on her end (not a surprise there!) getting the house ready and last night sent us pictures of her new room.  I love her excitement and enthusiasm for this change…it’s a BIG one, no doubt, but there is such a positive vibe floating around this plan that I am hanging my hopes on the best.  She has already found and purchased a lovely crib and high chair for little man and I found this gorgeous old bentwood rocker on Craigslist for $10 that she picked up for us earlier this week as well.  There will be lots and lots of projects that will involve painting and building and decorating.   My little heart sings with joy at the prospect of productive activity rather than just finding SOMETHING to alleviate the tedium of the day. 

Living in Bend, I have a feeling that boredom will visit me much less often. Nora is a busy lady and even if we do a handful of activities with her that she does, we will manage to have a rather full calendar.  There are friends of Nora’s coming over to help us with the move on Sunday and Andrew and I have plans to hang out with new friends on the Fourth of July.  Our visits to Bend in the past have introduced us to many great people and we are looking forward to seeing how those relationships and new ones develop.  Bend seems to use Meetup quite a bit and I’m thinking that we may need to find a way to create a dinner party group like the one we used to be a part of…it won’t ever be the same but I love the idea of finding and growing a new network of people in an area where I feel it is totally possible. 

Am I sad to leave Seattle?  Not really.  I have learned that I am NOT a city girl.  That I need wide open spaces, minimal traffic, and a strong sense of community.  I had those things developing while we were in Fort Wayne but have found nothing that gives off that same vibe here.   My improved health has allowed us to take trips out and about and look into the various activities that take place here, sadly, despite being open minded and hopeful, we have not clicked with our new area.  We would have found our way eventually, but I’m thankful that it’s now removed from the list of things to worry about. 

So we leave this Saturday.   The rest of the week will be packing, organizing, ditching, and making final drop off of items at goodwill.  I feel like this is another clean slate to get all creative and crazy with.  There will be MUCH happening and I will make sure that everything stays as up to date as I can make it!  

And, I know there are no photos this time...so I thought I would do something special instead.  We were given a short video of little Arthur at our appointment last Friday!  Very exciting!  In case it's difficult to figure it out, this is a side profile of him with his fingers in his open mouth and then he closes his mouth. Isn't technology an amazing thing?