I am excessively grateful to modern medicine and well trained doctors who have thoroughly gone over my medical records and are being extra cautious and vigilant when it comes to this delivery. I am already considered high risk because of my age (really? 36 is high risk?) but more so because of my past and current health conditions. The cardio myopathy from two years ago was of serious concern but my last echocardiogram done in February shows that my heart is right where it should be...although, there is still a slight chance that things won't stay that way during delivery...which is one of the main reasons why we are being induced and carefully monitored. I'm completely OK with this decision. I am DONE with being pregnant. Done, done, done. I have been sick, sore, and now I feel as though I have a tiny human being growing in the middle section of my body which makes EVERYTHING uncomfortable - sitting, standing, lying down, walking. I am aching for comfort in the form of a smaller mid-section and to begin working with a physical therapist to get my body back to somewhat normal. It won't ever be "normal" again because of the MS but I will at least be able to get back on my medications again within a short period of time after Arthur's birth.
I'm torn in half between dreading daily injections again and being overjoyed to be back on my disease modifying drugs. I do have an appointment coming up in early September with THE MS specialist in Bend. I am THRILLED to have gotten an appointment with her. While we were in Fort Wayne I had a neurologist and he was...ok. But he wasn't a specialist and I didn't feel as though he was really working to dig in and find out what options would be best for me or had any specific knowledge regarding MS. In Seattle I was really impressed with the doctor we started working with and the amazing MS center available but it was in downtown Seattle and getting there was a huge pain in the butt. I did my research before moving to Bend and found the doctor I knew I wanted to work with and have since found out that she really is wonderful. My interactions with her staff have so far been super positive. I am looking forward to discussing medication options with her as well as potential exercise/diet options to be aware of.
While I had read that MS symptoms can diminish during pregnancy and, in some cases, the body can somewhat reset itself I have not really had this experience. The tightness/tingling/numbness that I have experienced in my arms, chest, back of my neck/head, and along my legs...I guess that's pretty much everywhere, huh?...has not been as bad but it is still present and intensifies throughout the day. My left leg has been more or less numb to the touch for the last several weeks although whether that's associated with the pregnancy or with my MS, I don't really know. I have decided that if it continues for too long after delivery that I will seek out a steroid treatment to bring down any inflammation that may have occurred during the pregnancy and hopefully help prevent a future flare up. Our biggest fear comes from the fact that the chance of a flare up post delivery is higher than it would normally be. Considering how debilitating past flare ups have been for me this is a prospect that leaves me more or less terrified. How will I take care of a newborn if I can't use my hands, or if I can't walk and what if both go out at the same time? That has happened before and it could happen again...but those are hypothetical situations that I hope we have prepared for and now it's just one day at a time.
One of my greatest comforts comes from our move to Bend. We had our baby shower here last weekend and I was incredibly moved by the number of people that showed up to show their support for Nora and our little family. Some people we were meeting for the very first time and yet they brought us gifts and well wishes and offers of assistance should we need it. There are others in this group of people that I feel are going to become regulars in our life here. I'm so grateful to have met them and look forward to the getting to know you process that turns acquaintances into friends. I know that our living with Nora is going to be so helpful for all of us, especially if things do take a turn for the worse. We are, again, lucky, lucky, lucky. It never seems to fail that we find ourselves in the right place at the right time with the right people. I could only be more content if all those that are far away that I love so much could be scooped up and brought here too. But that is selfish of me and a mere daydream but a sincere wish nonetheless.
We stand at the edge of yet another precipice, hands held and ready to take the leap, and who knows what life is going to look like after Arthur is born. I know the daydreams I have are rich and filled with love and no matter what happens, I feel that will be the case. I am so lucky to be married to a husband that goes to the maximum extent he can to take care of our family, to have a son that never ceases to amaze me with his compassion and helpfulness, and a mother in law whose excitement, enthusiasm and willingness to help have been a balm to our little family. I have no doubt there will be struggles, sleepless nights and many tears but...well...that sounds kind of normal for us anyway. Only this time there will be a baby involved. Three more days. The countdown is nearly complete and another great adventure awaits.
And, just so this is not a totally photo free post, here are a few photos from the baby shower :)
There's still July to get caught up on and I'm hoping to get that taken care of between today and Wednesday....right now, I think I need to go eat a cupcake...
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