We're pregnant!!!
Oh...no...wait...that announcement has already been made...what was it??? Oh
yeah! We're MOVING! That's what it was! Some people know about this
move and for others, this may be the first time they are hearing about it but...there
it is. Moving. Again. Sigh.
Two
big questions, where and WHY? Right? I mean, we JUST got here.
Why would we be taking off again SO soon? Well, I'll tell you. The
where is easy: Bend, OR. The why part...well, that's far more
complicated.
Where
to start...I feel a certain level of trepidation sharing this information.
Andrew, Aydan, Nora, and I have known this was our decision for a moth,
maybe two, and we've been keeping it close to the chest mostly because of
Andrew's job. He, sadly, handed in his letter of resignation on Tuesday
of this past week which gave me the go ahead to make the full public
announcement but...I hesitate. I fear the head shaking, the "I knew
they couldn't do it" that may be the reaction we receive from some people.
This was NOT an easy decision for us, and even though we all KNOW this IS
the right decision, it's terribly demoralizing to feel like we
"failed" out of Seattle.
But,
failed? Really? No...that's not the right way to look at it.
And that's what Andrew and I tell each other. When we made our
decision to relocate here we did so with a very long term vision in place.
We realized the sacrifice we were making when we left our incredible
circle of friends in Indiana, we knew that the transition would take time and
we would need to be patient with ourselves as well as our new environment and
we knew that we would need to be determined in order to shape our lives into
what we wanted them to be. Moving here, we were starting from scratch,
but we felt ready for the challenge. All intentions were aimed at being
here and making this our home. For our little family, we knew we could
make the best of anything, as long as we were together.
So
what happens when we're together and expanding? Our long term vision had
begun to take on the potentiality of a future addition to our family. The
discussion had been adoption, somewhere WAY in the future and then, over this
past summer, turned more toward the desire to actually combine our genes and
make a baby. Andrew and I came to that place where we were welcoming to
the idea of a baby. You know, if it happened, we wouldn't freak out but
we both expected the conception part to take time....lots of time. Six
months to a year kind of time. Naturally, three weeks into living in our
new apartment, I was reminded that women in my family tend to lean towards the
super fertile and we found out shortly before Christmas that our family would
indeed be expanding.
A
baby. Whoa. It really felt unreal for a while. But as the
reality started sinking in, the insides of my brain started whizzing through
all the things that would and could happen in our lives because of this baby.
Naturally, we started with the doctor's appointments. My MS makes it so
that medical attention is something to seek out ASAP. I had read that
women with MS, more often than not. experienced lessened symptoms and minimal
flare ups during a pregnancy, which was rather exciting. The part I
didn't read further into was where it was mentioned that women also experience
significant INCREASES in flare ups post pregnancy. There's really no way
of knowing what that "significant" increase is, although, with MS,
there's never any way of knowing anything about your body on a regular basis.
My
last flare up was bad. Real bad. Near death twice in one week kind
of bad. My heart had gone all wonky and the damage caused by my flare up
left me immobile from the chin down. The thought of something like that
happening again with a newborn in the house is...terrifying. Once this
news had been revealed to us from the neurologist of what could happen, my
worry level escalated way past the comfort level. If I couldn't take care
of the baby, then who would? And while taking care of the baby, I would
need to be looked after as well and then there's Aydan to take care of too,
even though we all know he would do all he could to be helpful. In our current
situation, that leaves...Andrew. I couldn't bear the thought of all that
crashing down on Andrew but I didn't know what to do about it.
Is
anyone going to be surprised that Nora, once again, came to the rescue?
We, of course, had been sharing our concerns with Nora who very clearly
remembers what it was like for me in the hospital since she was a dear and flew
out to Indiana to be with our family when all that ickiness went down.
Through many discussions a decision was reached and we realized what we
needed was a support system. Specifically, a Nora/Mom/Nonni run support
system. Nora has graciously offered us to set up with her in her house
for a while in Bend while we figure things out and who knows, maybe a
multi-generational household is in our more long term future? For now, knowing
that we will be close to Nora and all the lovely people we have met in Bend
already, and the people that she knows that we haven't met yet, offers comfort
that I can't even begin to describe.
I
can say in all honesty that I am completely over any level of disappointment I
may have experienced when we first came to this decision. I am sad for
Andrew and Aydan. They are giving up more than I am. But I am thrilled at
the thought of what life will be like in Bend. It's a crazy charming
little place, small enough to be comfortable to get around in but large enough
to have anything and everything you really need. The job market
isn't as robust as it is around here but we have some ideas and a lot of hope.
Moreover, the sad realization is Andrew and I have both, regrettably,
agreed that we aren't city people. We wanted to fall in love with our new
area but it's been difficult to do. We would have made the best of it and
I'm sure at some point we would have found that love that we were looking for
but that line of thought is a luxury we can't afford to follow at this time.
End
of June is when everything happens. Andrew's last day of work is
scheduled for June 20th, Aydan flies out to Fort Wayne June 27th, Andrew
and I will schedule movers for the 28th and leave for Bend on the 29th.
In the mean time we plan on getting in as many adventures around here as
we can. There are a few different festivals coming up that we want to
attend and different Seattle landmarks we want to wander around, and we have a
zoo pass that we need to feel we used because it was such a thoughtful gift
from wonderful people in...Bend!
Isn't
life strange and wonderful? Here is yet ANOTHER unforeseen situation where life
is throwing us a curve ball, and a sneer, "Let's see what you got".
Well, Life, I have faith, hope, LOVE and a desire to live the heck out of
my short existence. I do not regret where we have come from, our time
here, or where we are going. I am truly blessed in this life with so many
amazing gifts and so much love that I feel like pretty much anything is
possible, even if it looks nothing like I thought it would.
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